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BOSTON — I didn’t wake up Tuesday thinking the Boston Celtics coaches would deliver me the most humiliating basketball moment of my life. As far as I knew, the local media members were scheduled to play a pickup game against each other on the Auerbach Center court. That was the initial plan until head coach Joe Mazzulla revealed otherwise after his team’s early afternoon practice.
“I don’t want to break it to you,” Mazzulla said, “but you’re not playing against each other. You’re playing against the coaches.”
If Mazzulla was serious (it turned out he was), I recognized severe pain was coming for me — and not just because, at age 38, my knees and back no longer work properly. The Celtics coaching staff is loaded with great players. Sam Cassell, Phil Pressey and Amile Jefferson competed in the NBA. Mazzulla and Da’Sean Butler were two of the best players on a West Virginia team that beat DeMarcus Cousins and John Wall on the way to the NCAA’s Final Four. Tony Dobbins won the defensive player of the year award three times in France’s top professional league. D.J. MacLeay played on a Bucknell team that reached the NCAA Tournament as a 13-seed. You have probably heard of God Shammgod, the former Providence legend. His son, Celtics assistant God Shammgod Jr., played at Division-II Fairmont State. Very much unlike the writers, the coaches stay in great shape, working out the Celtics players and competing against each other in regular pickup games.
A 13-seed might not seem like much, but Celtics writers only get seeds when we order everything bagels. Most of us have all the athleticism of a leather couch. Even the few of us who once played basketball at a decent level (and I use that term generously) did so a long time ago and now drink more beer than we should. Our only chance of keeping the score at least mildly respectable would have been if the coaches had taken it easy on us. And, um, that’s not exactly Mazzulla’s style. He showed up like he was back in the Final Four, demanding his assistant coaches trap us full court throughout the game.
Celtics Coaches lead the media 36-2 !
–@CLNSMedia pic.twitter.com/35OS47knZJ— Celtics on CLNS (@CelticsCLNS) October 14, 2025
“Get up!” Mazzulla yelled whenever he sensed one of the coaches letting up. They pressured us full court for the entire game, which mercifully only lasted 12 minutes. That was the only merciful part.
We lost 57-4. Yes, 57-4. I’m pretty sure we only crossed half court with the basketball once over the first six minutes of the game — and, on that play, Mazzulla stripped me before I could drive to the basket. I don’t remember whether the coaches scored in transition on the ensuing possession, but they probably did. They scored at will. And when they didn’t score on their first chance, they usually grabbed the offensive rebound and converted on their second opportunity. At some point, after Mazzulla started screaming “3s” to the other coaches, they began hunting nothing but outside shots. Their decision not to hunt for layups and dunks could have helped us. Instead, they just rained down 3-pointers from all across the court.
How did we only score four points? It was probably a miracle we scored that many. The talent gap between the two teams was like the difference between the sun and a 40-watt lightbulb. By applying full-court pressure the whole time, the coaches tried to run up the score as much as they could. When we dribbled, they swarmed us from all directions to poke the ball away. When we passed, their arms seemed to be everywhere. Even when we successfully converted passes, we were usually two or three seconds away from our next turnover. They trapped us, hounded us and bashed us the entire time we were on the court. Though Cassell didn’t play (at 55, he probably wouldn’t want to play that much full-court defense anyway), they put nothing but high-level players on the court. If only one of them had played against us, he would have controlled the entire game. But with all of them on the opposite side, they pummeled us like the Kansas City Chiefs would dismantle 8-year-olds in an Oklahoma drill.
Mazzulla clearly wanted to stomp on us. Maybe he wanted a chance to punish us after needing to answer all of our questions over the years. Maybe he wanted to see how we reacted when getting blitzed by actual basketball players (not well). Maybe he wanted to put as much of a spotlight as possible on the Jr. Celtics Academy, which was the reason the team staged a media pickup game in the first place.
Or maybe Mazzulla just saw the event as one more chance to compete and couldn’t dial down his legendary tenacity. After a Pressey 3-pointer extended the coaches’ lead to 47 points with 1:32 left, Mazzulla clapped like his team had just moved within one game of the NBA Finals. And when Shammgod Jr. drained a buzzer-beating shot from nearly half court, Mazzulla pumped his fist like he had beaten the Los Angeles Lakers. The shot gave the coaches a 53-point win.
Celtics Coaches vs. Celtics Media
(wait for the final score) pic.twitter.com/q5SeqH0jVu
— Taylor Snow (@taylorcsnow) October 14, 2025
It came while Celtics players, including Jaylen Brown, watched from above the court. After the embarrassment ended, Brown called down to us with a laugh, “Anyone want to do media?”
No thanks. I would prefer never to discuss that game again, but, unfortunately, I’m already learning that this shame will stick with me for a long time, if not forever. After the final score was shared on social media, many of my friends reached out to let me know just how pathetic I am.
“This is disgusting, man,” one texted.
“The Kid should be ashamed,” wrote another, referring to me by a nickname.
Please know that whatever you think about the ugliest loss of my lifetime, my own thoughts will be harsher. I showed up to the Celtics practice facility expecting to get buckets against the other writers and went home with an ass-whipping from the coaching staff.
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Jay King is a staff writer for The Athletic covering the Boston Celtics. He previously covered the team for MassLive for five years. He also co-hosts the “Anything Is Poddable” podcast. Follow Jay on Twitter @byjayking
